So yeah.... Wonder why there was nothing between the end of 2005 till now? Cuz 2006 was the worst year of my life. it was so bad that I don't even want to talk about it.

2007 so far isn't as bad, but its nothing compare to the days in 05' Sometimes I wish I can go back to that. But I know for a fact that after all that had happen we'll never be the same again. But really, I think I was happier before... doesn't look like its going back to that though.

Lately I've been feeling extremely lonely, maybe I have no school to occupy me. No one EVER calls me to do a damn thing. When I call them they'll either tell me they can't, doing something else or the classic.... "I'm broke" okay... you can go out to eat and drink with other people, but you can't spend $6 to go play an hour or 2 of Ping pong with me? No wonder I have to hang out with some new friends.... and its not like everyone can hang out together, one doesn't like the other for some unknown reason thats so ancient no one should even remember and set that shit aside. I try to have everyone coexist, but no.... apparently people don't like that. Some are willing to, some just don't care enough to be the "better man/woman" to step up and settle these differences that are no longer valid... its ridiculous. So sick of people turning face against their old friends, so what theres an argument? Grow up, learn from it and put it behind us.

Truth of the matter is that I want her to be with me so i feel less lonely... If I can't turn to her first then who would I turn to? Shes there to here my problems and I'm there for her for the same reasons, although she does a better job than I do in my opinion. I don't mean to be an ass and take everything out on her, but I have no one left to vent and talk to. My methods might be a little lame also, but trust me.... i would find a different way if I only know how.

Maybe I just have to set aside the little things that shouldn't matter and look at the big picture, don't let the past bug me. Believe what shes telling me because even though she has a bad record everyone deserves a second chance. If I trust her more maybe I wouldn't be as frustrated with her and other people. Maybe things are not going to the good ol days because I'm not letting it? I tell other people to look into themselves before looking into their problems. Why can't I do what I preach? I'm good at analyzing other people's problems and solving them but when it comes to my self I'm like a brain surgeon with a tumor in my head. Helpless....

What is it that I'm missing? What is it that I have to do to make it work out? i don't understand... theres a lot that I have to learn and understand, but what I don't get and don't know frustrates me.... Because I wouldn't know how to fix something that I broke, what piece goes where? Theres no instructions... i'm in it deep...

What the future holds for me.... I don't know. I no longer have the vision of my future, lately its been blurry.... And it also frustrates me that I don't see the path that I'm going, I can't prepare for what I don't know. I don't know which way to steer if I don't see where the road is... all I can see is myself in the future, is it because I'm lonely thats why I picture my future that way? That I don't want anyone to be around me? Block everyone out? or am i just sick of my current surroundings? Maybe thats the problem... I'm sick of my life, I need to find something that Reboots it... but what? how? where? and When?

If anyone sees this, knows what I'm talking about and have something to say? Say it straight up to me... I'm all about the honesty game.

Well!! I'm 20.... Nothing Bothers Me? For Today It Is True, Forget About Any Girl. I Don't Care What Happened, Today Is MY Motherfuckin Day Bitches.... And This Year BETTER Not Suck!!

Heres How It Went Down Today: *Read It If You REALLY Have The Time To*

So My Mom Wakes Me Up, Cuz I Asked Her To.... As Usual I'll Lay In Bed For Another 15 Min With Pinky *Thats My Pig If You Don't Already Know* Then My Mom Would Yell..... THEN I'd Get Up. Hah Anyways, So I Got Up..... Look In The Mirror And Think, Hey! Look At This 20 Year Old Person... Still Look Like Me! *Moves On* You Know? The Usual Clean Up.... Thinks, Shit!! This School Thing Better Work.... I Have To Go To Bio..... Hopefully I Don't Have To? )= With That In Mind I Got Dressed And Go To School. After: I Turn On My Phone.... *Ring* oH Hey A New Msg.... Lets See.... oH! Its Leann With A Happy Birthday Msg! ^_^ Thats What I Did.... Smile. Because For That Few Seconds I Didn't Have To Think About THe School Stuff. Then I Got To School.... Got Out The Car.... I Figure Hum.... STC Should Be Right Next To STD Right? *I Know... Shutup, Its A Room* But Nope, Its Next To It.... So That Made Me Worrie Just A Little Bit More.... Walk In To STC-17... Wow... Empty, Looks At The Clock And Said.... Godamn... I've Never Been This Early To Any Class. So I Was Hoping The Teacher Would Show Up So I Can Ask Him If Its Still Too Late To Sign Up For A Class. And For Once, And I MEAN For Once I Didn't Look To The Door And Hope To See Some Hot Ass Girl Would Walk In The Door.... One Showed Up, Then 2...3...4....5!? That Class Was Full oF Hot Girls....!! *Gasp* But I Was Too Worry About My Classes I Couldn't Even Think About That, Now For Those oF You That Knows Me Well You Would Know It Takes A Lot For Me To Not Think About That.... LoL Anyways So I Kept Waiting And Waiting.... Its 1:00 Class Starts.... I Was )= Then This One Very Well Dressed, 5'3 Petite Size Girl With Nice Blonde Highlighted Hair And Smells Like Blueberries Walks In The Door..... O.O I Swear There Was A Light Shining On Her.... And I Just Couldn't Help But Stare.... AND Stare.... The Odd Thing Is oF All The Empty Seats She Walked Torwards Me And Asked If Theres Anyone Sitting Next To Me.... Then I Had To Yell At Myself *Aye Bitch!!! Snap Out oF It!!* And Casually Said..... =\ oH No, Go Ahead.... Then The Teacher Came In, By Then I Don't Have a Chance To Ask Him Cuz He Just Start The Class.... So I Couldn't Do Much But To Sit And Listen. And I Have To Say Hes The Best Teacher I've Seen So Far.... Everything Is Clear And Well Put, Com'on Now.... I Pretty Much Learned How To Make A Hydrogen Bomb In 2 Hours.... Thats Rare. So Back To The Girl Sittin Next To Me.... Shes One oF Those Lay And Write People... So She Just Str8 Up Lay On The Table RIGHT Next To Me.... Strange, I Didn't Do Anything...... So Blah Blah Blah, I Sat Through The Class.... Very Interesting Class I Might Add. Not Boring At All! So Everyone Stands Up And Leave, And oF Course She Does Too.... Like Usual I Stand And Stretch For About 3-4 Seconds..... Then Something Kinda Hit Me On My Back, I Was Like.... Damnit It People!! But It Was Her Back Pack. So I Went From -_- To ^_^ Then She Smiled.... And There Goes The Light On Her Again.... Since I Don't Even Have To Time To Even Talk To Her All I Can Do Is Just Look At Her As She Walks Away..... It Was A Very Nice 10 Second I Must Say. Finally I Get To Ask The Instructor. *Ahem* Is It Too Late To Get In This Class?? He Said Something Like.... Yeah, The Class Is Full.... Theres No Spots Left. In My Mind O.O WHat!? My Face (= oH, I See.... Well Thank You. But He Was Nice Enough To Tell Me To Try The Next Class... Can't Be Mad About That Right? So I Walked To My Cous. HOPPING That The Statement oF Replacing Science Credits With Electives Would Work.... He Looks At The Letter... Told Me To Go In.... Look At My Credit Sheet.... Transcript..... Takes A Pen And CROSSES Out The Science Credits And Put In A Elective Class On The Paper.... My Face? O.O It Worked!? I Was So Happy That I Almost Went In A Trance And Destory His Whole Office!! Then After A Little Talk And Many Times oF Me Saying Thank You I Left And Called My Mom And Told Her.

Not Important Moments--------

Then Map Called Then We Went To Tim's. We Ordered A Pizza..... I Ate 2 Slices And I Was Asking Myself If I Really Ate Any At All.... ?? =\ Then We Just Sat Around And Laugh At The Funny Shit On Jackass. Watch Car Videos That Tim Owns. Then Ate The Chocolate Mocha Birfday Cake That Pam Bought. But I Just Ate The Cake Part Cuz I Don't Like Frosting.... Hahah Fuck Ya'll Frosting Lovers.... You Fatasses!! Hahah j/k It Wasn't Much But Its The Thoughts That Counts Right? ^_^

So The 11th oF January 05 Went By Pretty Damn Well!! Now My Only Concern Is That My Couns. Didn't Count The Credits Wrong And It Actually Works.... Other Wise I'll Be So Screwed That Paris Hilton Wouldn't Look Like A Hoe Anymore..... *Sigh* Wish Me Luck People..... Wish Me Luck....

You have an unusual magnetic personality. Just be aware of your polarity.

Shit...... Its That Good oR Bad??